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Name: Zachary Billough (aka The Poser)
Age: 32
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Description: Zach spends a little bit too much time reading comic books when he's not working as a Custodial Engineer for the local school district. He aspires to be like many of his favorite pulp action heroes and has created his own costume out of remnants of a professional wrestlers outfit that he bought off of E-bay.
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Superpowers: Zach has a large video collection and is overly fond of catch phrases from his favorite action films. He can bore you death with his horridly off-beat impersonations of Arnold ("I'll be back"), Bruce ("Yippee Kai Yai Yay M---- F---!") or Deniro ("Are you talking to me?").
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Weaknesses: Zach doesn't fight crime (or get out of the house too often) because he finds that he looks rather "studly" in his homemade costume. He vigilantly flexes and poses for himself while reciting the aforementioned movie dialogs. Zachary cannot pass by a mirror without looking at himself.
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Base of Operations: Zach lives with his mom.
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Name: Billy Thornton (aka Overactive Bladderman)
Age: 27
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Description: Billy was a frequent bed-wetter in his youth. As he went through puberty he discovered that what was once thought to be a childhood calamity, was in fact his unique super power. He soon learned that he could increase the volume of his urinations at will.
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Superpowers: Give Billy a 2 liter bottle of soda and soon you'll be facing the wrath of his "Bladder Buster Vortex", "Tsunami Splash", "Golden Shower" or "The Geyser of Doom!"
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Weaknesses: Well ... he has a weak bladder and they don't make diapers big enough for him. Kinda says it all don't it?
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Base of Operations: Billy has a secret hideout located beneath a rest stop on Hwy 99, just north of Turlock, California.
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Name: specimen 1382B-21 (aka Samurai Sloth)
Age: unknown
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Description: Removed from the Brazilian rain forest by Japanese researchers, specimen 1382B-21 was subjected to DNA and hormone testing in an effort to amplify human speed, agility & stamina. Unfortunately the experiments failed and specimen 1382B-21 was released from the program. The sloth was transfered to a nearby village petting zoo/donut shop, where his cage was kept in close proximity to the employee's breakroom.
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Superpowers: A Television set in the breakroom, that was left on 24 hours a day, taught specimen 1382B-21 all he needed to know about the art of fighting and the code of the samurai. Using his skills, he vows revenge on the corporation that used him for their experiments & others who would exploit animals for testing purposes.
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Weaknesses: As already stated, the experiments failed. Instead of gaining enhanced abilities, the experiments had the opposite effect on him. The Samurai Sloth is unaware that to others he appears dead and motionless most of the time. (see image above for video sequence of Samurai Sloth in action)
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Base of Operations: Sugar Hai Donuts & Petting Zoo, Japan
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Name: Tiffy Blair Winston (aka Tantrum)
Age: 23
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Description: Tiffy has had a rather fortunate life. Her wealthy parents spoil her with anything and everything that she desires.
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Superpowers: Over the years (especially through puberty) she has developed a unique vocal ability that is rather painful to those within a one mile radius. She can wail and screech loudly and also cause seismic activity by forcefully pounding her feet on the ground.
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Weaknesses: Tiffy can easily be distracted by shiny jewels, exotic automobiles, furs or men who work in the medical profession.
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Base of Operations: Classified by the Pentagon pending the outcome of Operation White Noise
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Name: David "Davey" Jones (aka Riptide)
Age: 42
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Description: Davey aspired to be a Marine Biologist. Unfortunately, he graduated with the lowest GPA of his class and was unable to find work after graduation. Determined to work with the creatures of the sea, he opted for a career in crime fighting.
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Superpowers: Knowledgable (as far as lowest GPAs go) in marine life, Davey utilizes the unique abilities of sea creatures as his arsenal (i.e. puffer fish as throwing stars, dolphins as clubs, jellyfish as paralysis devices).
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Weaknesses: Aside from his aforementioned underachievement in academics, Davey logically has many issues with the People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA). Constantly involved in legal battles with the organization and being incarcerated for cruelty to animals, Davey boderlines being classified as a super-villian.
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Base of Operations: Montery, CA