Dear [ fan of my work ],

I'm sorry if I have offended you, person who I hardly know, even though you may be a huge fan of my work. It was not my intention to crush your desire to obtain a drawing by me or to acquire my services for your project in exchange for your heartfelt praise and adoration of my skills. I'm flattered really, but apologetic that the world around us has not yet caught on to your ingenious "praise for services rendered" economic model.

The sad reality of my situation is that I must pay for goods and services that I require to maintain a certain standard of living for myself and my family. Therefore, by logical reasoning and deduction, you should expect that I would ask for payment in return for the services that I can provide. I am not, as you so eloquently put, a "greedy f*ck!" I'm a consumer, a redundant monthly cycle of expenses and purchaser of life sustaining goods. Honestly, is it that much of a shock that I would ask for money in return for a sketch, design or cartoon when you and everyone else on the planet already subscribe to the belief that if you want to have Cheetos and Twinkies for lunch you're going to have to pay for it?

Please ... don't ask me. Don't email me. Don't even wonder aloud in a social setting if I would be intrigued by the proposal to do artwork for you for the sheer joy of it or for your never-ending adoration of my talents. Flattering as this may be to my ego (and at the risk of further enraging another fan); I would have to respectfully decline your proposal.

Thank you,

Kirt